1. The Parent Perspective
Pro:
Sliding doors = pure magic. No more kids slamming the door into the car next to you, or yelling, “IT WON’T CLOSE!!!” until you consider faking your own disappearance. Just push a button and shwoop, done.
Con:
Every friend you’ve ever had suddenly thinks you’re their Uber. “Oh, you’ve got room for 7? Great, can you drive the soccer team / grandma’s choir group / my cousin’s luggage to the airport?”
2. The Teenager Perspective
Pro:
Plenty of space to sprawl out in the back and ignore your parents while you blast TikTok at full volume.
Con:
You will never look cool pulling up to school in a minivan. You could be wearing designer clothes, blasting the latest rap track — still, everyone sees “parent taxi.”
3. The Kid Perspective
Pro:
Built-in DVD player. Cupholders. Snacks in every crevice. You basically live like royalty back there.
Con:
You’re strapped in so far back that your mom can’t hear you screaming for McDonald’s over the road noise, which means you might actually starve.
4. The Owner Perspective
Pro:
The sheer joy of fitting an entire Costco haul in the back without playing Tetris. And when the seats fold flat? Boom — it’s basically a cargo van. You can move furniture, sheetrock, or a small herd of goats if needed.
Con:
Gas mileage isn’t actually that bad — unless you’re comparing it to your little Honda Civic. But let’s be real: no Civic is hauling six kids, three strollers, and a week’s worth of groceries. The minivan pulls its weight. Literally.
5. The Mechanic Perspective
Pro:
Steady business. Those power sliding doors? Oh, they will break eventually.
Con:
Whoever designed the engine placement clearly hates mechanics. Half the time you’ve gotta remove the entire front end just to reach a spark plug.
6. The Single Person Perspective
Pro:
Room for all your hobbies: kayaks, band equipment, or 27 rescue cats. Also great for road trips with friends.
Con:
Explaining to people why you, a single person with no kids, bought a minivan. “Oh… uh… I just really like space.” Side-eye intensifies.
7. The Cool-Car Enthusiast Perspective
Pro:
None. Minivans are the sworn enemy of horsepower, freedom, and good taste.
Con:
Your buddy with a minivan is always the one everyone calls when it’s time to move. Meanwhile, your Camaro is stuck carrying pillows.
8. The Dog’s Perspective
Pro:
So many windows. So many smells. So much room to run back and forth and slobber on everything.
Con:
That moment you realize you’re going to the vet and not the park.
Final Verdict?
The minivan is like that one dependable friend: not flashy, not glamorous, but always shows up when you need them. Whether you love it or loathe it, you can’t deny — it gets the job done.
Unless you’re a teenager. Then you’ll deny it until you move out.