by Benjamin Franklin, upon Visiting Cars To Go in Lafayette, Indiana
As I, Benjamin Franklin, esteemed printer, inventor, statesman, and enthusiastic rider of kites during inclement weather, arrived in the township of Lafayette, Indiana, I found myself curious about the local modes of transportation. For though I have harnessed electricity and negotiated peace with foreign kings, I confess: I have never quite mastered the art of parallel parking.
Thus, when word reached me of an establishment known as Cars To Go, a place where even a man of modest means and questionable credit may procure a carriage of steel and speed, I set out with haste. (Well, haste in the 18th-century sense, which involved much walking and stopping for soup.)
Upon arrival at 101 Sagamore Parkway South, I beheld a delightful lot filled with gleaming chariots — none pulled by horses, mind you — and a team of locals not only skilled in the art of commerce, but refreshingly kind.
A woman named Tina, possessing both the wit of Voltaire and the efficiency of a Franklin stove, greeted me. “Welcome to Cars To Go!” she exclaimed. “Need a ride?”
“Indeed, madam,” I replied. “I’ve flown kites into thunderstorms, but I fear my walking shoes have declared a mutiny.”
She explained to me their system — a Lease Here Pay Here model — which, to my astonishment, allows one to obtain a vehicle with no bank, no third-party lender, and no judgey financial aristocrats in wigs. Payments are made locally, credit is built dutifully, and each year one may upgrade their ride without carrying over debt! My monocle fogged with admiration.
“And if I fall in love with the vehicle?” I asked.
“You can keep it,” she said with a smile. “At the end of your lease, just pay the small residual — about $2,000 — and it’s yours.”
I nearly wept. Back in my day, we traded goats and wooden teeth for transportation, and here they were handing me keys for just $500 down.
In true Franklin fashion, I jotted a few maxims for posterity:
- A penny saved is a down payment at Cars To Go.
- Early payments build your credit score.
- Drive a mile in comfort, and you’ll never go back to your buggy.
Before I departed, I asked how others might embark on this automotive adventure. Tina replied:
“Just call us at 765-448-1500, or visit www.carstogo.org. We’ll get you rolling.”
And so I did — rolling, in fact, down Sagamore Parkway in a sleek pre-owned sedan, wind in my hair, spectacles on straight, and not a redcoat in sight.
To all citizens seeking liberty from high-interest loans,
I urge you — get thee to Cars To Go.
— B. Franklin, Esq.
Patriot, Inventor, Certified Used Car Enthusiast